1) Take monocle between thumb and forefinger.
2) Rub gently with a clean, static-free cloth.
3) Place back over eye until next bout of exasperation.

Matt D. Wilson is a writer.

He was a contributing editor during CRACKED magazine’s 2006 relaunch and for CRACKED.com.

He wrote a bunch of stuff for National Lampoon’s website. It’s not there anymore.

He is a contributor at ToplessRobot.com.

He is one of the numerous hilarious bureau chiefs behind the Fake AP Stylebook Twitter feed.

He also runs the Fake e-Etiquette Twitter feed.

He wrote a book about being a supervillain.

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